The Caroline Bingley Diaries - Part Seven

[the_shrubbery]

March 26th:

In Somerset.

I do wonder whether I should send a note to Mme Suzette thanking her for her hospitality but do not have her address. Maybe should write to the PG and ask him for it.

Am settling in here very well; Sir Walter and Miss Elliot very charming and the younger Miss E friendly but taciturn. L also quite her usual self on the journey here; was like the old days even though kept getting distracted from lack of sleep during our conversation. Also did not have the heart to tell her was not really thinking about marrying D any more; she was so busy making plans for my trousseau.

March 29th:

Either am slowly losing my mind, or I have had conversation about Gowland’s Lotions before. Felt a strong sense of – not déjà vu, rather, déjà écouté, I suppose (really making progress with the French lessons) – when conversing with Sir W today. L and smug Miss E mostly talking about people I do not know, esp. a certain Mr E & H his usual disgusting self. Talked to Miss Anne today – shocked to find she had never even heard of The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia. Luckily had all the volumes with me as wanted to read passages dealing with the Merciless Pirate once again.

Also began to wonder if maybe loss of delicates in H’s presence connected to what Mme Suzette told me about certain turns in male behaviour. The PG might know but could not ask him that.

April 2nd:

For no reason at all suddenly remembered that G had told me April 1st was her cousin’s birthday. Wondered whether he spent it with Mme Suzette who appeared to be such a particular friend of his but then recalled that he had told me he was going to Kent with D. Probably not the best of birthdays if he was spending it with the old bat – though perhaps he likes her, I would not know. Not as if I were interested in his family life either.

Do wonder though how he knows Mme Suzette. Seemed to be woman of very gentle upbringing although well versed in the ways of the world, as they called it.

April 3rd:

Mme Suzette probably much better at speaking French than self, her being French and all. Wonder if the PG speaks French. Conversation with Sir W and smug Miss E very repetitive but Miss A very agreeable, although she said she found The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia a trifle far-fetched and rather fanciful. Then however asked me for second volume with which I happily obliged her & she was not seen for the rest of the day.

Had choice between boring conversation & vocabulary list so practised French until I recalled shall never be as good as native speaker so why bother at all. But then took walk and got rid of silly ideas. Wonder if Miss A has already finished book & if I can disturb her so late. Miss talking with G about all those little matters like we always do. Probably should write her letter.

April 5th:

Housekeeper here makes the most delicious pies. Do not know where she gets all the necessary items for them but then do not really care. Am especially fond of apple pie with sort of nuts mixed with the apples.

Was talking to A today about my friends in town and mentioned dear G & the PG & she asked me what PG stood for. Could not remember. Must be some sort of nickname I suppose – but what does it mean? Do not recall anyone else using it so probably coined it myself but why?

A said perhaps it was his initials but do not think it was.

Pesky Gentleman?
Pert Gentleman?
Pretty Good – but at what?
Patronising German (no accent)

April 6th:

Come to think of it, what is his real first name?

Must stop obsessing about the following:

1.First names of various random males of my acquaintance (e.g. H, the PG) (though probably people who kiss one in an alleyway cannot possibly be considered random anymore.)
2.Whether the poor Athalia will survive and be reunited with her true love (A says she will as that sort of fiction always kind to heroines in the end)
3.Qualities foreign proprietors of locales of dubious reputation are likely to have and whether true gentlemen appreciate said qualities
4.possibility of alleyway incident being repeated
5.what exactly makes a lady thoroughly compromised

Shall take a walk now and enjoy beautiful weather.

April 8th:

My eyes! My eyes! Cannot. The mind. Refuses to comprehend. Cannot put it in words.

April 9th:

Still cannot quite process what I saw yesterday. Thought the one time I surprised Louisa and her husband was bad but this is just a completely different level. What was Louisa thinking? And what was she wearing?

April 10th:

He is a baronet though. Maybe things are done differently in those circles.

Tried to talk to A today about what we saw but we realised early on it would be better if we never mention it again. Still cannot look Louisa in the eyes.

Instead we discussed the third volume of The Woes Of The Chaste Orphan Athalia, which A just finished. A thinks Athalia’s father probably the instigator of the secret meeting in the cave but do not know if she can be right because clearly the note was in the hand of the abbess.

Made hints to abigail but thankfully none of the servants seem to be aware of Louisa’s incident. Hope it remains that way.

April 11th:

A really is the only one who makes this place tolerable at all. I so miss London. Had a long letter from G today; she is not doing much it seems with her brother and the PG off to Kent but she told me about plans she has for new frock & related news of exhibitions we can visit when I am back in London. Tried to convince A to come to London with me but she says the city is not for her & anyway I cannot really leave without L.

Smug Miss E made remarks about women who do not care about appearances & let themselves go & gave me pointed look. Do not know why I should bother about appearances if it is only her & her father who would notice. Looked back pointedly & helped self to another slice of pie.

April 12th:

I do not know how Anne can tolerate being in this place, with these people, all the time. She says it is her home & her sister is living not far away & her aunt just across the park but still cannot fathom it. Asked her if she never wished to live elsewhere & she said she had at one time but then nothing had come out of it. Wondered what she was talking of but since she is v. private person did not feel like asking. She said she had lived in Bath for a time & hated it & cannot fault her there.

Wonder what Kent is like, as a place to live, I mean. Wonder if the PG plans to settle there for a longer time. Surely the bat would like to have him around having only that boring daughter. Probably wants the PG to marry the daughter; is not as if she can find anyone else to take her off her hands.

Suppose if the PG settled in Kent G and I would not really see him in London any more. Would not miss all his irritating comments but then who would take me to the HoP and fix locks on my trunks?

April 13th:

Come to think of it, I think G mentioned once that the bat wants D to marry the daughter. That is probably why they are in Kent right now. D probably has proposed already.

Really thought I would be crushed at such a thought but feel only slightly sorry for D and think could have made him better wife than her. Must have gone completely emotionless. Or maybe it is old age settling in.

Had word with abigail about Louisa’s incident. Told her what exactly I observed then gave her a guinea & made her swear on the bible never to mention it to anyone else. Abigail then explained some of the minor details that had been wondering about. Conversation most illuminating but am still blushing.

April 15th:

Had long letter from G again but no mention of either of her guardians being engaged to sickly cousin. Surely she would be first to know. Wrote back immediately but did not know how to broach subject of possible engagements so did not mention it.

Rather worried though that did not receive letter from Charles even though wrote to him when I arrived here. Wonder if I could ask G to keep an eye on him? Would not be proper though & she probably would be shocked if she saw him as he looks now.

Asked butler if he was quite sure no letter had come for me & he went & returned with curl of hair that seems to be Sir Walter’s.

What am I supposed to do with it?

April 16th:

Also should probably write to Jane. Think I have neglected writing that letter for too long. Wonder though where she is; would not want to send letter to wrong address and for her to pay too much postage.

Smug Miss E made remarks about how eating without restraint is vulgar. Clearly the woman has never tried her housekeeper’s buttered scones.

Could not sleep last night & instead read passage again where Athalia finds her mother’s necklace & could not help but think that colour of the stones significant. A agrees that them being sapphires possible clue but says she cannot fathom for what.

April 17th:

Really meant to write to Jane yesterday but then sun came out and A asked me to take a walk with her. Got talking about Charles & I told her how I was worried about him & mysterious behaviour (did not mention incident in the alleyway when walking home from Mme Suzette’s établissement though). A agreed it was not normal & probably not healthy and asked me was Charles normally a reader of poetry? I said not & A suggested Charles perhaps pining for a woman.

L still behaving very uncharacteristic. Tried to address issue of her behaviour with Sir W the other day but L not inclined to talk & did not know how best to describe certain things I saw.

Wonder why I have to worry so much about both my siblings when I am the youngest although am also it appears the sanest, unfortunately.

A thinks Count Haubenstein may know more about Athalia’s parentage. Says there was such a long description of how the Count observed Athalia it must signify something.

April 18th:

The Nameless One now is taking Gowland’s lotion per the advice of Sir W and has broken out in terrible rash. Could not stomach looking at him esp. because housekeeper serves really delightful muffins for breakfast.

Talked with abigail & she promised me still no talk of Louisa’s incident among the servants. At least one thing that is not going wrong. Really do not know why I have to look after them all.

Still no letter from Charles. Really getting worried. Wonder if D is already back in town & could perhaps look after him? Maybe should write to G and ask.

April 19th:

Oh I really hope it is not G he is pining for. That would make everything really uncomfortable. She is like a sister to me & I know I really hoped for it at one time but she is so very young still & I do not think he would want to wait for years.

I am sure the PG would not like it one bit either.

April 20th:

On second thoughts, did Charles even see G lately? I think the last time they met was at Christmas.

No, was time when G & the PG came for dinner & C turned up late & inebriated (sounds better than drunk) & recited poem to us. Cannot recall if he paid any special attention to G at the time.

Surely the PG would never allow G to marry him after this display & also do not think G interested at all.

Wonder what the PG would think about smug Miss E. Hope he does not agree with her comments that cupcakes are a vulgar, upstart food for vulgar upstarts. Do not think he does though because he ate them as well. Wonder if smug Miss E ever takes pleasure in anything apart from Gowland’s.

April 21st:

Surely it cannot still be Jane. He last saw her in November & I never even told him she was in town & asked after him. D & I were agreed it was better this way.

April 22nd:

It probably is Jane & that means I destroyed all his hopes. Feel abysmal now. Not sure if Jane would have accepted him but maybe it would have been kinder to let him try & be rejected finally than to hope forever when I know it could never be.

Mentioned the matter to A without naming names & she said maybe it was kinder to let him keep some hope & final rejection might have made matter worse but also asked me why did hypothetical friend in question meddle in C’s life in the first place & why was it necessary to keep him from her? A then said some very pointed things about people who interfere in other people’s lives & really did not dare tell her I was the hypothetical friend in question. Wonder if she saw through it.

Feel horrible.

April 23rd:

Still feel horrible but cannot dwell on it much because L asked me could I spare five guineas. Asked her what she needed it for & she claimed needed to send for medicines for H’s indigestion but if it is that why does she not simply tell apothecary to send bill? Also asked why she had no money with her & she said she had forgotten money bag in London.

L has no money bag but neat purse and I know that because I gave it to her.

Only hope she is not being blackmailed because of what happened with Sir W. I wonder if H knows.

April 24th:

Maybe should write to Jane & let her know made a mistake? Only do not know whether she really was interested in C at all. D says she was not but then D also never realised I wanted to marry him. (Thankfully.)

Cannot believe used the past tense just now. When did sentiments change so abruptly?

Felt so bad could hardly appreciate muffins this morning but that could also have been H’s rash.


April 25th:

Really feel should go back to town just so can see C again and find out how he is doing & maybe talk about whole matter with D. Also do not know how many more guineas I can lend L because I did not bring much & need to keep some to tip servants.

Discrete enquiries discovered L did not try to borrow anything from the servants which is a relief at least.

Wonder if H is still conducting whatever illegal business it is he is conducting & if he made L ask me for money.