the_shrubbery | The Caroline Bingley Diaries

February 2nd:

Really think must have word with someone about laundry crisis only do not know who. Abigail woke me this morning to tell me had nothing to wear except ugly black frock which I wore in mourning of Uncle Algy when I was seventeen. Asked about the white and pale blue gowns & was told one of them had disappeared & one had mysterious stain on it & one found outside in the snow. Thought had more than three gowns but abigail said was all that was left apart from one orange but that had mysterious hole in it & also ripped hem. Was not even in the mood for orange but would have preferred it to the black monstrosity. Whoever suggested ruffled sleeves ought to be shot.

Told abigail she should make sure all of my gowns are back in my room before sundown & if any are still wet to place the laundry hampers in my room. Told her she could do the same with the aprons as had heard from butler that several of the maids’ uniforms had disappeared. Abigail sobbed with gratitude & really knew not what to say but then luckily housekeeper came with fresh cupcakes to sample. New flavour, apparently, with raspberry jam. Very tasty although assume use of raspberries was necessary after still another incident in the still room.

Shall have to send to Mrs T & ask for at least one gown to be delivered; cannot even go out to buy fabric in the blackness.

February 3rd:

Most depressing day. Raspberry cupcakes really were highlight of the day as it went downhill from there. Newspaper full of disconcerting news; cannot believe how stubborn men are when it comes to their pride & do they not understand country needs new bills? Also still wearing black monstrosity as remaining gowns still undergoing various laundry procedures to cleanse them. Intense cleansing necessary as really have no idea how they got those stains & do not want to know precise nature of stains anyway.

Had surprise morning visit from G & her peculiar guardian even though had told butler was not at home but apparently H let them in when he was bringing a box out to a waiting carriage. Really do not want to know. Was looking my most horrid in the blackness & also apparently raspberry jam had caught on one of the thousand ruffles. Was ready to rip off sleeves but it was freezing already. Asked housekeeper about lack of proper fires in the morning & learned servants had not been allowed to leave their rooms until after sunrise.

P.G. most infuriating, kept shooting looks at the ruffles of doom & also asked about H & the boxes which clearly is none of his business. Hope he finds out though so he can tell me. Then emergency frock was delivered in the afternoon & was looking forward to putting it on only Mrs T obviously not up to her usual standard and had sent something not my size.

February 4th:

Day 3 in black monstrosity. Feel very sallow in the face already. Had emergency gown sent back to Mrs T in the morning with strict orders to send new gown in cheerful colour & right size. Messenger returned with note saying gown sent to me was only available gown my size at short notice. Unpacked it & found stunningly obscene piece made of scanty apricot fabric of dubious quality. Bust-line down to regions best not displayed in public & overall transparency of gown unbearable; to say nothing of the garish flitter adorning it. Also did not fit me. Had it transported back to Mrs T with letter stating was not in mood for her little jokes and to send replacement gown at once or see me take my business elsewhere.

Did not receive any visitors & stayed indoors all day. L went to see Fanny & asked me to accompany her but did not feel like going out. Had cupcakes instead & read about latest hare-brained schemes for the treasury.

February 5th:

Day 4 in black monstrosity. Think my face has become greyish. Called for abigail to find out what happened to other gowns & learned that orange gown was mended. Strangely did not feel like orange at all but put it on nevertheless. Seems though abigail made mistake in mending hole & cut out too much fabric; gown now much too small. Asked for blue gowns & found out are still soaking in vinegar. Asked for dark green gown; was told had disappeared from my room while I was having breakfast yesterday. Abigail tells me though that wine-red gown has reappeared in stable yard, mysteriously wrapped around silver candlestick missing from dining-room. Gown very dirty but probably still wearable once thoroughly soaked in vinegar.

Received note from Mrs T stating she was not joking, harlot gown was in colour I had admired last autumn & measurements were same as had been taken last time I was in for measuring. Sent back letter telling her in no uncertain words she had lost a customer. Felt strangely liberated afterwards but then recalled had nothing to wear. Sent abigail to purchase books about House of Commons; feel need more information to properly understand parliament reports.

February 7th:

Day 6 in black monstrosity. Was so upset yesterday could not even bring self to write journal. Could not believe abigail at first when she told me soaking gowns had been stolen from my room at night. Was going to shake her but then remembered had left the room to look for book about English history in the library & that must have been when thieves entered the room. Most displeasing especially as was not able to locate book either even though am sure it used to be there for governess used to spend hours torturing L & me with it. Really should have paid better attention back then because then I would know all about the Civil Wars now & would not need to look it up.

Do wish thieves had taken black monstrosity as well but then would not have anything to wear at all. Really must see to acquiring new gowns but cannot bring self to contact Mrs T again & know not what other dressmakers to visit. Thought about asking Fanny but on second thoughts was not sure whether we have same style & budget. L said not to make a fuss and order same orange gowns as those that disappeared but somehow do not feel like orange. Do not know why & also quite curious urges should go away so suddenly.

Am quite sure G will come to visit today. Had note from her telling me she wished to discuss important matter with me. Only hope she does not bring the P.G. with her as really am in no mood to talk to him at all.

February 8th:

Day 7 in black monstrosity. Abigail convinced me to subscribe to a lending library as more budget-friendly than constantly purchasing books about new subjects that need to be researched. Lending library quite fascinating I think. Always thought they only stocked novels but abigail assured me they had volumes of every description imaginable. Gave her list of topics wish to read about & she was able to find very interesting tomes. Shall have to examine them later today.

Was of course right. G came to visit yesterday. Most charming conversation but unfortunately P.G. accompanying her. Discovered to my horror the man spikes his tea with so much sugar it turns into vaguely tea-coloured molasses. Really think it most disgusting habit ridiculing all traditions of our country. (NB must find out history of tea-consumption in England. Do not think it is native plant.)

Vile habits of P.G. forgotten however when G proposed we go out to buy fabric together as planned. Was most eager to go with her although do not think P.G. needed to look quite so smug when I packed the rest of the cupcakes for us to eat in the carriage. Told G was not sure where to go but G said she had address of merchant recommended by Strange Wife, whose name actually is Emma. Merchant indeed most genteel in manners & very helpful. G & I picked roll of each pale blue fabric with sort of flowered pattern & dark burgundy that is going to be embroidered & decided to split rolls and costs between us. Was unsure about colours but G most unnaturally determined about it & then P.G. cut discussion short by simply telling merchant to wrap fabric up & deliver it to Darcy townhouse.

Confided to G about disagreement with Mrs T & thankfully she did not laugh & was very sympathetic about harlot gown. Told me E had also recommended new tailor & we have appointment there tomorrow.

Did not go out today as weather very bad & still have no frock to wear apart from monstrosity. Wanted to continue reading about parliamentary history but instead started novel D & G gave me for Christmas. First chapters rather amusing read but unfortunately books still faintly smelling of smoke from the carpet incident.

February 10th:

Last day in black monstrosity. Do not know whether I can bear to wait another day for the new gowns to be delivered tomorrow at last. Gave strict orders to abigail to wait for gowns to arrive & to take them upstairs to my room directly & lock them into my trunk. Do not want to risk anything happening to them.

Visit with new tailor yesterday most agreeable. First was sceptical because atmosphere very different from atmosphere at Mrs T’s. Tailor rather strange lady who did not compliment G or me at all but instead clucked her tongue & called us duckies. Wanted to leave then but G said to stay as lady was complete genius & had to admit gowns on display were quite stunning. Was measured then & it turns out Mrs T was lying to me all the time & measurements she told me I had were not actual measurements as need at least an inch more. Was rather glad to be in the hands of professional now especially as Mrs Duckie promised to send frocks as soon as possible. Should really find out her name as do not think it really is Mrs Duckie.

February 11th:

New gowns have just arrived. Feel like a new person already. Mrs Duckie’s handiwork much more agreeable than Mrs T’s and new pale blue gown fits me like a glove. Gave abigail strict orders to immediately lock trunk again & never let the key out of her sight. Was tempted to leave black monstrosity outside for thieves to take away but thought it best to keep it for emergencies such as H’s funeral & also did not think it right to support crimes even if they are committed in my own house.

Really must have a word with L as do not think situation at all acceptable in the long run.