the_shrubbery | The Caroline Bingley Diaries

Part Fourteen - In Which Caroline Travels South Again & Is Under Suspicion

August 28th:

Paul is going to murder D & I cannot say I would blame him. Turns out not only did D tell Paul's parents about our wedding, he also invited them to Pemberley to come & see us or rather see Paul since they did not seem so delighted to see me. Wonder what D told them about me.

Was only lucky we arrived at the Dowager Countess' at the same time as they did or we would probably have missed each other on the road.

Do not quite know what to think of Paul's parents & they seem to feel the same about me. Well am sure was not at my best when they saw me, being tired from the long journey & also wearing hideous cap from Mrs A. G tried her best to compliment me on it but could say nothing better about it than that it was charming.

Only good thing is the Bat & her daughter have not yet arrived but am told it is only a matter of days.

Dinner was a very tedious affair. Felt completely embarrassed the way everybody looked at me, Paul kept shooting D nasty looks & the DC seemed to have somehow quarrelled with her son. Only G & the BGA were cheerful & kept chatting about The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia. Was amazed that the BGA claimed to have read them all in less than a fortnight. BGA said she enjoyed them even more than Tom Jones but also said the latter was a bit more scandalous. Wonder if I should read it.

August 30th:

Feeling of unease continues. Spent most of yesterday taking long walk around the park with Paul but could not help but notice that his mother & father kept shooting me weird looks whenever they saw me.

Might of course also be because I must have lost Mrs A's cap somewhere on our walk though have no idea where & could not find it anymore today. Asked abigail did I have anything that I could use but she says we did not pack any caps when we left London because I decided they were all ugly.

D left for London today on whatever mysterious business it is that makes him all grumpy (NB: Keep forgetting I meant to ask Paul about it) but we were informed that the Bat sent a letter telling us she will arrive tomorrow. Oh joy.

September 1st:

Bat sent us a letter saying she & the daughter are enjoying time with D in London & will take a few more days to come here. Wonder how anyone could enjoy time with D with the mood he is in right now but perhaps whatever business he had is resolved now. (NB: Keep forgetting to ask Paul.)

Am not particularly enjoying myself here either except when I am with Paul although had fun with G & C last night. G convinced C to begin reading The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia because she said she could not stomach his looking bored anymore & so she forced him to sit down and start it. C very impatient at first always asked of us to tell him what was important & what he could skip but then apparently he got in the mood of it & was still reading when we retired & apparently read until dawn which is why nobody saw him today.

Had painfully stilted conversation with Paul's mother about I am not even sure what but she kept looking at me & mustering my gown. Do not think there can be anything wrong with it because it is one of Mrs Duckie's nicest creations & with my new, accurate measurements that Mrs Taylor always got wrong.

September 4th:

D is back looking a trifle less grim in the face but also brought with him the Bat & daughter. Daughter very inoffensive but the Bat very much not so & kept going on about how magnificent she was until her mother told her to stop. Then G & C & the BGA kept discussing Madame Valentine's will & what was in the mysterious chest Captain Van Swanck brought with him from Germany.

Bat kept huffing & wanted to be told what they were talking about then when she was told huffed even more & informed us she & her daughter never read novels. What a miserable life that must be.

Then she said something about how my situation was so very peculiar & think she was referring to the whole business of uncle Tiberius (NB: wonder if he ever read our letter or threw it away unanswered?) but then she said it could never happen to her daughter which does not make much sense unless daughter has a spiteful mad uncle too. Though that is entirely possible in that family.

September 5th:

Bat keeps making veiled hints at me that are so veiled I do not even know what she means when she talks about my 'expectations' & winks at me & then says I must be pleased with my success. At first thought it was her way of congratulating me on the marriage but now wonder if she perhaps found out eabout L's problems? Must ask Paul if he told her.

C made a sketch or something of Captain Van Swanck's family tree & wanted to show it to us to explain new theory he has but nobody could make sense of it, not even Paul. Bat forbade her daughter to look at it saying it would give her a headache.

September 6th:

Abigail presented me with very pretty little cap she had sewn from an old neck-kerchief of C. Quite ingenious & much nicer than the one I lost in the grove. Is not exactly lace but looks v. fashionable. Has sort of embroidery on it too. Still do not quite like covering my hair but at least look presentable now. Poor girl said she had to go through three attempts just to get it right. Good thing C rips so many cravats.

Got a sort of compliment on it from Paul's mother at least think it was a compliment, and another weird remark from the Bat. Not sure what made her say I was beginning to fill out my role or even what she meant.

September 8th:

Bat behaved very weirdly at dinner today. Apparently had taken C's sketch with her when nobody was looking & examined it & then regaled us with a lecture about how nothing on it made sense because there were several incidents on it of Salic Law being disregarded along with common sense, as she put it. Kept switching to German in her conversation & Paul tried to translate for me but am not sure I understood everything.

Paul's mother & father looked quite bored & the Bat's daughter was vacant in her expression as usual but the rest of us were quite amazed about how the Bat could know so much about a novel she did not even read.

Then the Bat broke off her lecture & said something to me about how my radiance seemed to be increasing every day at which the Earl hissed something in French about how they would not discuss that at the table. Cannot help but think he does not like me very much although Paul says both his parents very fond of me. Cannot say I have felt much of that yet.

September 9th:

So that is what she meant! Well, I can see how they came by that impression but still … Paul though angrier about it all than I am. Actually think parts of it are almost funny.

What happened was that this morning Paul's father asked Paul into the library to talk to him & when Paul came out again he was absolutely furious and laid on his mother & aunt about what they were thinking about me & I thought Paul's father had finally revealed to Paul they did not like me, as I had presumed all the time. Was quite flabbergasted not knowing what to say or if to say anything when Mrs A took me aside & said she needed to talk to me so we repaired to another room.

Mrs A apparently unsure how she could put the matter to me but in the end resolved on telling me bluntly that Paul's parents & aunt convinced I was going to have a child & that was why we married so quickly & in Scotland. Suppose it makes sense if you do not know the particulars which it appears D omitted when he told them such as that I was in danger of being locked into a convent which obviously is only a trifling matter and therefore need not be mentioned.

Wonder if that is what a lot of people will be thinking but Mrs A said talk will die down when I do not have a child in the next seven months – then asked was I quite sure if I would not?

One embarrassing relation of further facts (that the book in the Pemberley library apparently forgot to mention) later & I could tell her that I was definitely not going to have a child in the next seven months. Quite a relief to know that actually. Had been wondering. Would not want to have a child & no room to put the cradle.

Did not know what to say to Paul's family after that so went for a walk in the grounds where I met D looking grim & deep in thought as usual. Wanted to tell him off for letting Paul's family believe we had to marry for that but D hardly listened & instead said he was convinced now we had to tell C that we were mistaken about Jane. Said he was probably right & proposed I would do it, seeing as I am his sister & all but D said he would take C back to Hertfordshire for the shooting & do it there after he has seen Jane once again. D argued C could be spared the pain of finding out if Jane not interested in him anymore.

Agreed with D but wonder how he of all people will be able to tell what Jane feels?

September 10th:

Turns out Paul had been wondering too so last night explained to him what Mrs A had said & that I was v. definitely not going to have a child & also tried to make him see it from his parents' standpoint seeing as they had never even met me before so the conclusion was not as far-fetched especially seeing as some people forgot to mention certain details.

Thought it best then to address the matter directly so this morning went to Paul's mother to talk to her in private & tell her about no child & uncle Tiberius. Really did not feel like discussing the matter with the Bat but am confident she will hear about it sooner or later & stop the comments.

Talk with the Countess embarrassing enough but she v. apologetic & said she should have asked me directly then invited us for Christmas. Have no idea where we will be in December.

September 11th:

D&C left for Hertfordshire. G very dejected but keeps cheering herself up with long talks about The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia with the BGA. Paul's mother has begun to read it as well & keeps alternately laughing & shaking her head.

Paul's father patted my hand today at breakfast & said I would do. Suppose that to be a compliment. Bat so far has not said anything apart from that parting from her daughter must have been v. painful for D. Obviously did not realise D has been looking as if he were tortured by hot irons for the past month. Really must ask Paul about that.

September 13th:

Very confusing turn of events. Sat in the small drawing-room with the Bat this morning reading Tom Jones waiting for Paul to return from his morning ride so he could continue to read it to me. Bat was writing letter probably to D. telling him how much he was in love with her daughter when suddenly she looked up at me & said she regretted making assumptions about my situation. Was about to thank her when she continued that she could not be faulted for being in the wrong because I had grown as wide as a carriage horse since she last saw me.

Was speechless for a full minute after that & could not even say a thing when the Bat waltzed out of the room. Went after her when I had regained control of my limbs but apparently took a wrong turn in the East gallery because suddenly ended up in a small drawing-room with a nice view of the park & a writing desk in front of the window. Was about to leave again when I saw the name of Count Haubenstein on one of the papers on the desk. Turned out papers contained scene in which Count Haubenstein exposes Captain Van Swanck as a fraud because of his ignorance of the Salic Law & then proposes marriage to the lovely Theodora - then scene broke off.

Surely the Bat cannot have written that but who else would know about the Salic Law?

September 15th:

Surely cannot be authentic scene from the book. How would it get here?

Must have been written probably by G or the BGA because they were impatient for the next volume.

September 16th:

Remember now what G speculated this summer about the writer of The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia coming from her family & believing it to be Paul. Can definitely not be Paul because is not his handwriting & surely he would tell me but maybe it is his father?

Might also be his mother. Maybe her surprise & all the blushing when she read the books was just an act.

September 19th:

Is definitely not Paul's father either. Although he would be scheming enough to do it.

Asked me today could he talk to me in private. Wondered what that was about but followed him into the library anyway. Turns out that Paul's father wrote to uncle Tiberius of all people when he first heard about our marriage. Not sure where he got the address but apparently he told uncle Tiberius in great detail what he & the rest of the family thought why we were getting married & that they had not known about anything of it. No wonder we never received a reply to our letter.

Paul's father said he had received reply from uncle Tiberius this day saying that letter had only confirmed what he always thought & he knew exactly now what to think about the marriage & new better than to ever let me or my degenerate husband ever see a penny of my money if he could prevent me. Then followed a long list of my transgressions and a comparison to various fallen women in Biblical history. Did not know there were quite so many women of dubious character in old Israel & list would have been v. illuminating if circumstances not so serious.

Did not quite know what to say. Paul & I had of course known this could happen but is altogether different when it does happen & through no fault of our own. We will manage of course but still feel rather disappointed.

Knew not what to say to Paul's father after that so just rushed out of the room wanting to find Paul & cry into his shoulder & hear him tell me everything would be alright.

Paul & I stayed in our room tonight but received note from the Earl saying he wanted to make amends. Paul tossed note into the fire & said a couple of unrepeatable things but managed to calm him down & not go after his father tonight. Will clear that up tomorrow.

The Caroline Bingley Diaries - Part Fourteen

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